GETTING THROUGH GRIEF AND WHAT I'M LEARNING ALONG THE WAY.
For the second year in a row, it starts at prom season, I catch myself playing back events all the way through to June 21st. I can sense it starting because there is an anxiety that forms in my chest, no matter what I do, I know how the countdown ends. Grief is not linear. What I mean is once you feel or {think} you get through one emotion, it doesn’t mean you’ve dealt with it and won’t feel it again. It's a process I don't think I'll ever fully get through.
"DO NOT BE ANXIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING, BUT IN EVERY SITUATION, BY PRAYER AND PETITION, WITH THANKSGIVING, PRESENT YOUR REQUESTS TO GOD." - Philippians 4:6
2013 was a big year for me and my family. The joy it brought to be taking in every last milestone with my youngest daughter graduating from high school. Award assemblies, senior prom, senior photos, grad night, graduation, life was moving forward. Only God knew the blind side that was about to shake my entire soul just over a week later. He knows the joy and pain that came with 2013. He knows how the year began with such excitement and promise to how it ended in death, mourning and weeping.
For me, the 21st of the month is very tender for a couple reasons, the day my son was born and the day my son went home to Jesus was on the 21st. For you there might be a different date that feels like a marker on your soul. If not now, there will come a day when there will be. It may not be a date you want to share with people, or it may be one that has been tattooed on your body for everyone to see. There is no one way to handle grief. I’m learning that as time goes by, some people may remember my dates and some people may forget, but grief is still very much my reality. And as much as I want others to remember my super fantastic loving boy Nate the Great, God remembers. He sees everything and He has not forgotten. He sees my pain that arises at random moments and is quick to comfort me like no other. He is aware and He is near. Thank you Jesus!
" HE HEALS THE BROKENHEARTED AND BINDS UP THEIR WOUNDS." - Psalm 147:3
During this end of the school year season of playback of Prom, Graduation and Father’s Day, all I can do is hold on to Him. Even when he feels far away, I have to trust He has me in his grip and He loves me. If for some reason I let go, I know He won’t!
"LET HIM HAVE ALL YOUR WORRIES AND CARES, FOR HE IS ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT YOU AND WATCHING EVERYTHING THAT CONCERNS YOU." - 1 Peter 5:7
Time doesn’t heal all wounds, God does. And there will be days when the pain is a fresh as the day it happened, even years later, but I will keep planting my roots deep in the House of the Lord. Where my friends and family will encourage me to hold on and trust in Jesus. He is where I’ll find my strength for another hour, another day or another month. He will give me the strength to turn my pain into praise.
"THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH AND MY SHIELD; MY HEART TRUSTED IN HIM, AND I AM HELPED; THEREFORE MY HEART GREATLY REJOICES, AND WITH MY SONG I WILL PRAISE HIM." - Psalm 28:7
When dates or events overwhelm my heart, I remember, God knows the date.
Our last family photo together.